Sat 31st October - Bristol Rovers

Halloween, and it looks pretty nightmarish as we arrive late. A bit too late really. 

Although it’s only five past three the walk along the side of the Memorial Ground was a painful one. One nil down inside three minutes was pain enough but two nil inside the first four minutes is probably like having to pick up a remote control box up. 

Two goals down, almost certain defeat, the rain in full effect and I hand over a tenner for admission. A tenner (or in modern currency four Kebab vouchers) to get soaked watching us lose again. Now to be honest the blokes in white coats should be having a quiet word by this time but it never once crossed my mind to save the money and return to the pub. This surely means I am either mentally unstable, pissed or blindly loyal. All three are a probability.

Rammell and Green return from injury with Roper and the unlucky Platt stepping aside. Rovers had the chance to make it three inside the first ten minutes but the impressive Hayles took too long when he should really have scored. The boys seemed to take heart from this and inched their way back into the game.  Wrack and Brissett had chances before Pingu smashed one home from the edge of the area. We were back in a game that was out of reach twenty minutes ago. 

We created more chances with some top quality movement and Rammell causing the Bristol defence problems with both his strength and his desire for the ball. On the stroke of half time some great movement and interplay left Pointon with the chance to cross low and hard into the danger area and OG popped up again to steer the ball beyond the helpless keeper and into the net. The 500 or so Saddlers fans went barmy. 2 - 2 at half time was more than we could have asked for. 

Five minutes into the second half Hayles scored for Rovers and our number looked up. Coming back again was going to be very hard. Rovers seemed content to smother the game by using the offside trap and this, with the aid of a poor linesman, helped to break our game up. Rovers then tried to break the game up even more by making three substitutions while we were pushing hard but they just couldn’t stop the Red baron that is Andy Rammell. 

Ten minutes to go and the ball broke to Brissett on the left side and a perfect cross was met on the six yard box by the big fella and the rest is obvious. To have to type he scored is probably insulting to Rambo because he was never going to miss from there. 3 each and a salvaged point from the ruins of the first five minutes was a more than creditable return. We tried throw it away but Walker saved brilliantly from the ever annoying Jamie Cureton and a point was ours. 

Not on your life. In the last minute of normal time, instead of doing the sensible thing and holding the ball in the corner of the pitch and keeping possession Lambert crossed deep into the home penalty area and Pingu snatched the points. I can’t really remember what happened because I went apeshit but after all that went before who cares?

The referee, a certain Paul Dirkin, played nine and a half minutes overtime following a lengthy pause in the second half and it felt like nine and a half weeks. We kept the ball brilliantly in this time and killed the game off as well as we did against Blackpool. Pingu probably took man of the match but to say we have missed Rammell would be one hell of an understatement. 

In many ways the match itself typified the spirit of Andy Rammell as we simply never gave up and in the end we got everything that we worked for. Perhaps we could start a new religion - ‘The Church of Rammell’ or preferably a footballing  philosophy - ‘Rammelism’. What a man.

Fri 30th October

It’s somewhat of a big game for us tomorrow. We really need to take something from the Memorial Ground tomorrow. One point from nine would be a worry and serve notice that the moaning season can begin.  So far the moaners have been in a extreme minority as the Bescot garden is rosy and the sky is blue. Another defeat tomorrow would probably see clouds building and temperatures falling however. I have to be honest here because I can’t see us getting anything from this one.

Wed 28th October

Let’s all collectively give a sigh of relief. Big, bad Andy Rammell is back and although it’s only a reserve game it’s good news.

Perhaps he’s been listening to Richard Green because I read that he’s had the help of Mrs Drury. Yes indeed Glenda’s fave healing babe has worked her magic on our Richie. Bet she couldn’t do anything about the chip on John Gregory’s shoulder.

Tue 27th October

Big Deano, you know the one who was out for eighteen months following major surgery to his drivers side wing mirror, states that he will quit wolves on a Bosman if they fail to win promotion this term.

One win in ten means he might as well jump ship now.

Mon 26th October

Muggy gets charged with misconduct by the FA following his whinging after a dodgy Portsmouth penalty. Funny that he didn’t complain about the penalty that followed Dean Richard’s dive on Saturday. He probably didn’t see it. Bet he sees his P45 shortly however.

Sat 24th October - Fulham

Fulham away and a pretty comprehensive 4 - 1 defeat. This was always going to be a tough one but I honestly thought our trusted away system might overcome an attack minded Fulham.  
This wasn't to be however as Fulham had more structure than I expected and we simply didn’t get going until it was far too late. We hit the post when one nil down and Marsh scored when two nil down but it was a case of not really being at the races. 

Ex-Baggie Paul Peschisolido scored his first goal of the season and it was all downhill from there. For Pesch that is as Greg Luganis has nothing on this bloke. Fair enough the pitch was waterlogged but even at the Gala Baths diving in the shallow end is banned. Small blokes are said to have better balance but when you continually go over like Naseem Hamed has chinned you it quickly becomes a bit of a pain in the arse.  I even thought that the assistant referee had given him a perfect ten at one stage however it transpired he was raising the substitution cards as Keegan replaced him. 

On an ever sourer note the Pelsall penis scored with from a needlessly conceded free kick. This was a pretty bitter pill to swallow as how ever much I can't stand wolves there will always be room for Steve Hayward. His tackle on Stuart Ryder three years ago was a disgrace and should never ever be forgotten. The chanting of “scum” from the away terrace as he left the field at the end of the game was a true reflection of the feelings of Walsall fans to one of their own people. Right now, I guess he'd struggle to find a Saddler willing to piss on him if he was on fire.

Talking of piss I see the giant portaloo that was the men’s toilet at Craven Cottage has been replaced.  Mr Al Fayed’s money hasn’t just been spent on buying overrated players at inflated prices because Fulham have also invested in ten individual plastic portable toilets. Now correct me if I'm wrong but portaloo is shortened version of the words 'portable' & 'toilet'. Portable Mohammed, portable. How about treating us fans properly and building a proper one?


In saying that, as Craven Cottage has been a permanent shithole for more than twenty years why worry about the state of the away dunny. No roof, no permanent toilet block and a mobile burger van. All for a tenner.  At Fulham it appears that Mr Fayed charges top rate admission and provides third rate facilities. I wonder if this the same for all of his business interests or just football?   
   
Oh, just to top everything off it absolutely pissed down and we get soaked. The only redemption on an all round crap day was the six pints quaffed beforehand. We still missed the kick off I’m pleased to report.

Fri 23rd October

So they didn’t throw the book at Di Canio after all. A ten grand fine and an eleven match ban is all he gets.  If they wanted to hurt him they should have thrown the TV remote control box at him. Deadly equipment that. Perhaps they threw the latest copy of Viz, or more realistically the Mark McGhee tactical handbook at him. Can I be forgiven for comparing your work to a comic Viz editors ?

Thu 22nd October

I can proudly report that I have successfully managed to turn the TV channel over without getting a serious injury. I’m probably going to be a brave boy tomorrow and try to use the teletext. Alternatively, maybe I should hire a stunt double for such a dangerous task.